January 5th, 2019

Good Morning House Jan 5 /19

Today we physically leave you until spring. The strange this is I don’t feel sad in fact I’m ready to get back to the city to get back into a regular routine. It is still special to come here and I look forward to the day when it becomes the routine although I’m not ready yet to leave the city.

It worries me a bit that I don’t feel sad but right now I think you are still a concept something I need to keep imagining, writing about and educating myself about.

I did have a moment yesterday when I thought about the day we set out on our journey together and was sad to think my mum might not be there. She has always been my biggest cheerleader, always on the sidelines encouraging me and has always been curious about what I am doing. From elementary school, Ryerson and most of all my career.  She has been to every show always asks how its going. She has authentic interest, she had empathy when it wasn’t going well and boasted when it was.

The next adventure will be different even if she gets stronger our roles have changed, it is time for me to cheer her on to get better, pick her up when she falls and to give her full on love because that’s what she did for me.

I hope she one day sits in the front room I dream for you with a beautiful blanket around her looking out into the lake knowing she was the driving force behind all I have done.

See you in June.

Love, Me

Con’t 

If I am being truthful and writing my feelings I will be very sad if my mum doesn’t see my dream for you come true but my dad does.

Don’t get me wrong he will love you and in fact if I had more confidence in him or a better relationship with him. If I respected him more- if he didn’t leave us and take his creativity with him I would have loved to have worked on you with him, instead he will love you for him, not for me. He will sit in your front room loving it for himself.

When I write these words I question them but I feel it in my bones my mum would be so proud of what I created, she would have love for me and I think and hope she is able to take credit because deep down she knows I was able to do it because of her Love and support.

I actually, in her conscious mind, think she will listen when I say she was the biggest influence but deep in her subconscious she has no idea how she influenced others. All she could do was dislike herself while loving and encouraging others. 

She heard and still does hear us say she is amazing, everyone loves her but she never believed how important she was to so many people and how amazingly she took control of her life.

I know you have seen her and she had seen you but you don’t know each other, I hope one day I can introduce you to her and you can envelop her with your warm glowing heart. It is time to take care of her.

Love, Me